*meow meow*

I am not faddish.

I heard that the latest thing to do for the kids to do is to start "Fight Clubs" where they beat each other up in order to learn good life lessons and to keep it real instead of being decadent. It's a fad popularized by the Brad Pitt movie "Meet Joe Black" where he travels to see the Dali Llama after being traumatized by Kevin Spacey cutting off his wife's head.

According to the homies in my gang everyone and Julio's mom are in these clubs.

For those of you bandwagon face beaters I have a strong word for you: whatever. Me and my hombres have been doing something way more cooler than all o' that. We have Scratch Club (tm). Scratch Club (tm) is where we introduce a member to a rabid cats claws through a series of well planned "fights". For instance, there is one where we tie catnip to a member’s ankles and around his neck, and then throw upwards of 7.5 tom cats into the room with him. We go until the leader says it’s enough. It seldom lasts over 50 seconds.

In another act of rebellion against our cooperate lives, we tie a guys' hands behind his back, gag him, and drop a cat on his face. This one is quicker, but some swear it's a valuable pathway to existential alignment.

One of the more horrific methods used in The Club (tm) is one that is colloquially referred to as : The Couch Potato. Here a member sits motionless on a chair while two cats use whatever part of his body they desire to sharpen their claws. It is this one that really includes audience participation. "Watch TV will you!"" Take that lazy-face!" The peer pressure really encourages the member to stay still. Plus, if he moves, we drop a cat on his face.

Some have said that our Membership (tm) poses cruelty to animals. Come on. Let's to the math. Fight Clubs are beneficial to people's existential well-being. You want to exclude cats from improving their existential well-being? You want to be the one informing the poor little tomcats that they can't sharpen their claws on our earlobes for some lame-booty political reason? The cats love this!

Don't believe me? Cat psychologist Dr. Richard Polsky does (visit him on the web at http://www.dogexpert.com/Polsky%20PR/catpsychologist.html). Richard H. Polsky, Ph.D., C.A.A.B is a certified applied animal behaviorist. According to Dick "the stalking, pouncing, and attacking behavior directed towards moving objects, such as the arms and legs of an owner, are usually manifestations of the cats' predatory tendencies. This type of behavior is frequently found in the context of play." Hear that everybody! The cats are playing with us. Under the guise of "cruelty to animals you want them to deny their instincts and put a stop to their play, well I am not for it!

I would rather have a cat dropped on my face.