Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Bloody Cows

I am trying to find a suitable BBQ grill on-line. So far I've met with very limited success. I've found many crappy grills at low, low prices, and many amazing grills at outrageous prices. So far nothing that I want has fallen into the acceptable price range of 200-300 dollars. Anything under 200 dollars is guaranteed by virtue of cheapness to be cheaply made (thus the price). Anything over 300 dollars is obviously over-priced and thus at least equally cheaply made (probably even more cheaply made). It seems nearly impossible to find a grill that is exactly what I want for the price I want to pay. There need to be a website called makewhatIwant.com/now that lets you input exactly what features you want in a product. Sophisticated engineering technology would then turn your specifications into techinical scematics. These would be sent to automated fabrication plants in Detroit for assembly and your finished product would arrive at your doorstep in 4-6 weeks. Until then I'll be spending numerous hours shopping on the internet. Hours that could be spent doing other things, like blogging and eating steak.

Friday, December 23, 2005

King Kong

Before I knew it, it was over.

No, I'm not talking about the movie (with previews it lasted about 7 1/2 hours). My story begins with the line.

Considering the majesty of line at LOTR, King Kong falls drastically short.

I mean, the movie's not even number 1, and I don't think the video game is going to sell much anyway. (Who want to play "let's run away from the Brachiosaur herd", "vaudeville NY shuffle", or "crazy disappearing rock people shootout"?)

This line sucked. Here we are, a line of hairy gorillas (mostly underaged) half-heartedly pretending to be what is only somewhat the protagonist of the film. But whose going to dress up as Adrian Brody? When they saw someone in an "Ann Darrow" outfit all the gorillas started their Kong cat-calls and started jumping around. Because there wasn't enough B.O. in the line already. Just as one of the Kong's started pretending to save "Ann" from the plastic Jurassic Park dinos he had brought the person in the white dressed turned around and yelled "F-off, you F-ing nerd buckets!" in a voice that revealed their true gender, from a face that revealed a thick five-o-clock shadow. He/She then proceeded to the line for "Brokeback Mountain".

I wasn't part of that queer fracas. I wasn't even dressed up like Kong. I am way to old and civilized to pretend I'm a gigantic ape with the countless teenage males who revere Kong just because he actually does have facial hair. No. I was a paper-mache Empire State building.

I thought the idea was ingenious. One of the few icons from the movie that wasn't standard and lame. It was ingenious. Till the Kongs started trying to climb me.

I was backed into a corner with four or five gorllias hooting and pounding their chests and I thought to myself: "Self- do I just stand here limp until their satisfied, or do I scream for help or reach for my pepper spray?" I tried the spray- it didn't really work because of the costumes, so I spun around and eventually they gave up.

Or at least I think they gave up. I got dizzy and passed out.

I awoke as they opened the doors. I stumbled in after the hairy procession of apes, and pushed my way forward to try to find a seat. And try I did. Apparently the Empire State Building doesn't sit. Or at least not in the chairs in the Regal La Habra.

I finally maneuvered through my paper mache, and found a comfortable resting position when the movie started. Apparently this made all the Mighty Joe Young wannabes really excited because one of them decided it was time to climb me. I was helpless; stuck to my chair.

He made it most of the way up before my paper mache collapsed. I remember waking up to see Kong battling airplanes.

And before I knew it, it was over.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

to Professor "M"

[EDITED by theworldwillendin1987 for his mom]

yes you know who you are, and i think you even read this blog because it kicks so much [but]. i put my heat and soul into my project Professor M. i even put so much effort into it that i finished it 17 [fracking] hours early! i send you the link so early i knew i had to be the first one. my website kicked [but] and you know it. How dare you say "i almost gave you a 0" you would have to be a [fracking] idiot to give a site that kicks [but] a 0. look, just because you fail to understan the compexities of managing a interweb server doesn't mean you have to mark me down for trying something "risky". You want to know why the link didn't work when you decided to actually check it 48 hours later? i'll tell you why you ignoramus! because you didn't check it earlier! unlike people who know less than me about computers (i.e. most everyone in the [freeking] world) i sometimes re-boot my computer and install new hardware myself. Well i yeah so i rebooted and the TCP/IP settings changed. Once you e-mailed be i immediately began checking into the DHCP settings for the IP tables to make sure they were all aligned with the port forewardings option settings i had created. All this checked out so i did an internal systems status review and found the the DHCP server had overridden my localmachine TCP/IP settings and renegiociated the port forewarding protocol. All of this only took me about 3 min to do and then 30 seconds to fix.
so in the space of 3.5 minutes of recieving your e-mail i fixed the problem and then you have the nerve and gall to e-mail me back saying that i was 10 seconds from getting a zero? you must be off your [fracking] rocker professor M. And then, AND THEN you tell ME that I took UNCESSARY RISKS in hosting it myself!!!

look, i know art professors are stupid and not tech savvy, but [Our Father Who Art In Heaven] you need to recpect my art. What is my art? my art is computers [female doggy] respect it or i will make sure your interweb life is never the same again

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Aslan Vs. Alien

Many fans of the Narnia series know that Aslan is Lord of many worlds, not justof Narnia.

Some Christians claim that he is also Lord of earth, but the Bible says that the incarnate Lord of this earth came in the form of a man. My point? I theorize that Jesus and Aslan are part of a galactic force fighting evil across the universe.

Some say that Jesus and Aslan are the same "figure" or "person" because they both defeated their enemies through dying and resurrecting. Whatever. JESUS IS NOT A FREAKING LION! It says in the Bible that they whipped Jesus, it never talks about his mane! It mentions his crown of thorns, never his fierce fangs and razor sharp claws. And the thing I find the most offensive is that this would imply that Jesus had a tail.

Imagine that on a crucifix.

By the way, Aslan was killed by a witch on a stone table, which is nothing like a cross.

So what do I make of both Aslan and Jesus using the same method to defeat their enemies? Clearly they had the same evil fighting tactics taught to them in their training. That makes sense of everything, without ever having to pretend Jesus was a feline.

Some have asked me, "Yo! Is Neo part of the Galactic good guys?!" For those of you thinking that I have two words for you. Come on. Silly people, Neo is a fictional character. Fictional character. The world of The Matrix could never be reality.

Just ask Gandalf.

So ladies and gentlemen, with that in mind, here's the buzz. The buzz is that there is a script circulating around Hollywood that explains the history and inner workings of the Galactic Posse that the Son of Man and the King of Cats are part of, and that it has them fighting interplanetary evil. That's right, the Alien and the Predator(s). ApparentlyParamount execs seem pretty keen, but there's no official word yet. My guess is that this script will be picked up within the next year, depending on the success of the first Narnia film and the possibility of sequals. We will probably see a preview between 2008-2010. Unless the world ends (*caugh* Edwin...).

Thursday

I slept in until 12:30 today. Slightly distressing because I distinctly remember intending to wake up on Wednesday. Either my memory of Wednesday has been snatched away, or I completely failed to wake up and go to work. I might be fired right now and I don't even know it! I suppose one other possibility exists: that Wednesday was so boring and pointless that I suppressed all memory of it.

The Lion, The (White) Witch, and The Wardrobe

I am finally back from the premiere of Narnia in New Z-land. I became distracted after the movie by a role-playing game invented by some fellow Narnia nerds and missed my flight back - that's why this post is so belated.

The good Bishop asked me what I thought of the movie, so I will do my best to capture my profound and abstruse response. If I had to describe the movie in a word I think that it would be: Ubiquitous.

That's right, the movie seemed to be everywhere at once, yet always where it needed to be.

Think of the fact that there is no perfect time corollary between the two worlds. Lucy is gone for hours visiting the stereotypical Faun Tumnus (a coarse and flat sketch of fauns that will damage their reputation for years to come), and when she returns from the wardrobe she finds no time has passed for her real-munity on earth. (There is another example of this but it is a bit of a spoiler, so I will refrain.)

What does this imply? It implies bifurcated time corridors and/or multiple time paths anti-integrated within our interpersonal carbon self-identity structure! Lucy's self and body transport into a separate time continuum retaining its essence and/or articles!

This is not the end of Lewis' profound insight. In the spoiler example, the interpersonal carbon self-identity structure (body) and articles (clothing) are changed! This implies a complex algorithmical cooridination within different times (and/or Time itself). Through this coordination C.S. Lewis is herein suggesting that time, earlier suggested as birfurcated, might be a complicated unity.

Besides his groundbreaking insights into physics (much like the character "Weston" from Lewis' Space Trilogy) Lewis offers insight into ancient tradition and history: through his love (may I say, obsession) of antique furniture.

The book is titled The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe which leads to many asking the question: "What the Hell is a wardrobe?" This is not merely a literary device meant to shake the reader from their comfortable and all-too predictable world of furniture, but also insight into the magic and/or science (magical science?) of antiques. Perhaps the most profound question the movie arouses is that of the wardrobe: its existence and definition.

Readers of the series might think that I am alluding to the history of this particular wardrobe; but this is in fact not of the least importance. Though the wardrobe possesses a dark and sinister background (History of Violence?) the point here is that Lewis is embarking upon a journey into the formation of all wardrobes. After all, there is a reason that a wardrobe is a wardrobe, and not a closet or dresser. There are many lions, but Aslan is the Lion; where is The Wardrobe? I suggest that it is neither in Narnia or England, but the wardrobe that Lewis wants you to discover and love is the one down the road in your neighborhood antique store; the one that you must learn to appreciate.

Lewis, as Christians will tell you, was an activist. What they won't tell you was that he was a furniture activist.

If you haven't discovered to land of Narnia, do. If you haven't journeyed there; you must, for it contains so much. There is a beaver, a witch, and an imaginative and profound land as solid and ancient as your grandmother's hutch.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

LOLz i know i should be studying but...

Nerd Purity Test lol this test is funny, i had to check all most all of the boxes... i'm emberassed!
haha, ok back to studying i guess

Caffene is my friend!

I don't know how i would get along without my coffee! its finls week this week and i've been only studying. Who here needs sleep? I sure do! i've got 5 finals today, but its cool because i've been studyin' like a mo fo you know? i didn't sleep at all lastnight so i could studying more. I'm surper tired right now but its coo' because along with the 5 cups of caffeneed coffee i've had this morn' i've been going through a couple of the gun katas i memorized from Equilibrium to help clear my mind, its really helped! n e ways i better get back to more studyin'! lol! study study study, thats all i'll do!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Will the real King of Narnia please stand up!

So I am posting this from my blackberry while in line for Narnia. I have been out here since Wednesday.

We keep ourselves alive by rationing our food (it's been raining/snowing so we have plenty of H2O) and by huddling together for warmth. We should run out of granola around 3pm today, but we still have some popcorn kernals to chew on. We should be able to make it through the movie.

Or at least some of us. I am lucky. I'm in line next to Timmy-S who's dressed as Aslan. I'm Beaver, so between the two of us, we manage to stay warm; though the rains have made the mane more of a curse than a blessing. I was wise to dress like Beaver. I should have brought the stuff to build a dam.

The White Witch isn't doing so good. She worked herself up when she first got here. "Grab them! Grab the sons of Adam and daughters of Eve! Curse you Edmund, you cloned them!" Eventually she lost her voice and grew faint. After the second night, it looked as though she was the one turned to stone.

When the rains came, she and the dwarf huddled together for warmth. I not sure who got the better end of the deal.

I can't write much more now. My fingetrs arek toooo coldah to tuype...nnj

1 2 3 and to the 4...



Throughout the United States, it would prove a difficult prospect to find a person between the ages of 15 and 35 who does not instantaneously recognize the lyrics “One, two, three and to the four, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre are at the door.”

Latnight at Narnia towards the end of the movie there was a line during a serious part of the movie that had the whole audience in laughter. When Aslan says "[One, Two, Three,] and Where's the Four?" there was an obvious illeration to this famous rap song by Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre. That was way cool! i was totally blown away at how the director managed to sneak that bit of pop cultre that nearly all of america could identify with into the movie. Mad props to that director whereever you are.
Although i was a little confused why everyone was talking about some timeus guy, i think they meant to say Timmy-S, the long time friend and "ghostwriter" for Dr. Dre and Snoop.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

other people on the rhodes

Just the other night i was driving home on the 5 at like 2am trying to get home before the buzz really hit me harders and stuff. So there were a bunch of Cones and stuff on the road and so i was like getting over and stuff and some stopid jerk decide s to speed up so i can't cut him off to get over. geeze ! why can't other persons on the rhode get a clue and be looking for people who need the space ont he rhode more than they do... what am i supposed to do? jsut drive intot he Cones? next time i'll just hit the stoopid diver that does get out of my way. that would teach that #&$^%I*@*#$&$ a lesson!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

In Defence of Bloggging (part i)

I love blogs because they're my own personal diary for the world. You don't know what that means? Well, keep investing your time in this blog to find out.

Blogging is an excellent tool to keep me journaling. What's more is that now I can share my personal activities and thoughts with all my friends. I can even share it with total strangers! In the past all sorts of things got in the way from me sharing all my immediate personal thoughts and my darkly honest feelings from others' eyes. Limited copies, distribution issues, even the lock and key to my diary - that possession I used to guard more than all others - all those problems have been resolved through the beauty of the World Wide Web.

The cost of distributing smut through the net has been offset by the mere instance of you reading this warm and friendly blog.

There is beauty and excitment in the ordinary. There is poetry and nobility in the mundane. Why shouldn't I read the mundane and ordinary thoughts of people? Why shouldn't I hear another whiny teen moaning about the cruel world? Why shouldn't I spend an evening cruising MySpace visiting the countless skanky sites of 13 year old girls? What could I possibly do that could be more beneficial than that?

And then there's the community. One time, I was chatting postrrrgrrrl405, and I totally felt like we connected. (That was years ago, before I was engaged.) But even now, I re-read the text of our chat and feel like somewhere, out there, there's an angel. A real, honest to Gates, Angel.

But the real benefit is what blogging does to enhance extra-cyber-communities (known in blogger circles as "realmunities"). Now, if my friend from Comicon or BiMonSciFiCon wants to know what's going on in my life, all he has to do is read this blog. I don't have to call my friends to see what's going on, they have it all right there, for the whole world to see. I will tell you right now one of the greatest benefits that you see who is really your friend. The chances are that they are more honest on their blog than they are to you!

I am so grateful to blogging for helping me narrow down my group of friends. I used to have 37 friends in my cell phone book, but since the party at Rodman's house, and all the crap that ensued, I now only have 4. It makes Christmas a lot cheaper! (Also, I can still read my ex-friends' blogs anyway, so I know what's going on.)